Ranking ‘Star Wars’

… is no mean feat. To begin with, what criteria do you use? Enjoyment? Filmmaking? Legacy? Creativity? Different fans of the franchise use wildly different metrics – this is how you end up with people who rank the prequel trilogy at the top (at least Lucas has a wild imagination, or so the story goes). And then there’s the eternal question: What makes Star Wars, well, Star Wars? Is it as simple as spaceships and laser swords, or is it something a bit more ethereal, undefinable?

At the end of the day, when compiling this list (which I’d obviously intended on posting May the 4th, but then, um, didn’t), I relied on three main metrics of my own.

First, overall quality. This should be obvious, but I tried to remain at least moderately objective. This is why, for instance, most of the prequels are low, despite the fact that child-me really enjoyed them. Watching them again, the incompetence is pretty staggering; that they are enjoyable at all feels almost accidental.

Second, personal enjoyment. Again, obvious: I’m not going to place very high a movie I don’t like. This criteria does mean that I might place slightly higher a movie that others dislike immensely (hint hint).

Finally, rewatchability. This is by no means the most important consideration, but when I was making some tough calls, I had to as myself: Which one of these would I actually like to watch again? If given the choice between two films, which – to use the parlance of the day – sparks more joy? This was more a consideration towards the bottom, as I had to make some hard choices about placement.

Below, I’ve ranked thirteen Star Wars movies – all but the last place entry were theatrically released, which was my main barrier of entry for this list (as great as The Mandalorian is, it doesn’t belong here). Without further ado, here is Star Wars, ranked.

13. Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, is it a bit of a cheat to include this one? Yes. It’s also not particularly fair to the Holiday Special, which was obviously not designed to stand together with the other (real) movies. But dammit, I watched the whole thing and for my suffering, I get to at least put it last on this list.

12. Episode II – Attack of the Clones

The true nadir of the “Star Wars Saga” is this overlong, plodding entry that strains so very hard to make us believe that Anakin and Padmé love each other and that Anakin has a growing darkness within him – and somehow fails spectacularly at both. The Yoda vs. Dooku fight is fun, but just about every other choice here is perplexing to say the least, with some of the worst action and humor of the franchise (C-3PO’s head getting stuck on a battle droid is just … ugh). Combine all this with easily the worst dialogue in the franchise (“I don’t like sand!”) and you get a meme-worthy but otherwise execrable entry.

11. Star Wars: The Clone Wars

You may not have even seen this one, but yes, it was actually released in theaters! Basically, this was the first four episodes of the Clone Wars TV show cut and pasted together into a movie, and it shows. While not as obviously abominable as the previous two entries on this list, it also barely qualifies as a movie. It doesn’t help that important plot points are basically glossed over – like, in what universe does it make sense that Anakin gets a padawan? Anakin and Ahsoka also slip fairly quickly into a well-defined master-student dynamic, complete with nicknames, which doesn’t feel remotely earned. And poor Padmé makes a late-film appearance for a story that works fine as a B-plot in an episode but is totally perplexing in the last act of a movie. In other words, it’s a mess that never should been seen this way.

10. Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker

No wait, come back! Look, I get it, this is very obviously not worse than, say, The Phantom Menace, at least on a technical level. But remember, one of my criteria is, which one am I likely to revisit? And I have to admit, having now seen this three times, I can’t imagine rewatching it unless I have to as part of a rewatch of the whole series. It’s just such a mess, a thin skein of ham-fisted exposition and half-hearted character work wrapped around a core of nostalgia-fueled retconning. The first hour or so is a series of fetch quests that amount to nothing. There’s never even a moment to breathe. The Rise of Skywalker is exhausting, and not in a fun way. Even just the thought of rewatching this makes me feel worn out. It’s a hot mess with a couple of enjoyable moments – but as the conclusion to the “Skywalker Saga,” it falls flat in pretty much every important way.

09. Solo: A Star Wars Story

I have very little say about this except that it retcons Han Solo’s last name in the most laugh-out-loud ridiculous way possible, and that’s still one of the most clever moments in this mostly dull affair. Again, I can’t see myself rewatching this any time soon, mostly because just the thought of its grey-brown aesthetic makes me sleepy. One thing I did like: The performances were pretty good, especially Donald Glover and Emilia Clarke (I want to see more of Qi’ra’s story!).

08. Episode I – The Phantom Menace

The Phantom Menace is not great. It has the single worst character in the saga (you know of whom I speak) and poor Jake Lloyd wouldn’t have been able to make hay out of lines like “Are you an angel?” even if he was the greatest child actor alive (he wasn’t). And I haven’t even mentioned the mind-numbing politics! But there are things to enjoy. Liam Neeson plays the purest expression of the Jedi Knights of legend you could imagine – tough but fair, wise, and kind, he’s the embodiment of all our childhood dreams about the order. Ewan McGregor would grow into the role of Obi Wan in later films – here, he’s mostly window dressing – but when it counts, he’s great. Darth Maul is an intriguing, frightening villain – and his duel with Qui-Gon and Obi Wan is one of the best in the series. For all of its clunkiness, this is definitely one I’m apt to revisit from time to time.

07. Episode VII – The Force Awakens

We’ve made it to the movies I actually like! To be clear, I have problems with this movie. Yes, it basically just repeats the beats of A New Hope, right down to the giant planet-killing superweapon (it’s the Death Star but BIGGER!). But it does an admirable job of building interest in Star Wars after the much-maligned prequels, and the characters at the center of the new trilogy are uniformly intriguing and fun. It’s biggest sin is that it doesn’t really give this era of Star Wars a coherent, unique identity. Think about it: You can instantly tell the Prequels from the OT just by aesthetics alone. Can you do that with the Sequels? Nope! J.J. Abrams’ problem – which was exponentially exacerbated in his next film – is that he doesn’t have much of an imagination. Still, you can have a lot of fun with The Force Awakens, and that’s not nothing.

06. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

The first half of this is kind of clunky, filled with exposition and not-very-clear character work. But it has one of the best endings of the entire franchise, a last act where everything clicks into place. It also has some of the best imagery in the series – it makes the Death Star scary again. That it’s willing to go there in the end makes this tragic story all the more impactful, and the Darth Vader cameo is badass without being too gratuitous. Even if there are some missteps along the way, by the end I’ve usually forgotten them.

05. Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Revenge of the Sith still bears the marks of George Lucas’s various directorial incompetencies, but the power of the story he’s telling more or less cancels that out. Everyone has grown into their roles a bit more here – or maybe they’ve just figured out how to handle themselves under Lucas’s direction. The last hour or so – from Anakin’s turn to the final, climactic duels – is just pure Star Wars, mythic in stature and quality (even despite the cheesiness of lines like “You’re breaking my heart!”). The final twin sunset feels like a contented sigh – the completion of the story. That story would continue years later, of course, but at the time, who could have wanted or needed more from this franchise?

04. Episode IV – Return of the Jedi

Here’s the thing about Return of the Jedi: about half of it is nonsense. Basically, the Ewok stuff just doesn’t really work, even if I appreciate what Lucas was going for. But the other half of the movie – which focuses on Luke confronting his father and the Emperor – contains some of the greatest moments of the franchise. Against all odds, they stick the landing, telling a beautiful, tragic story with an uplifting ending that feels earned. It even contains my favorite music from the entire series. It’s a slam dunk, really. Shame about those Ewoks.

03. Episode VIII – The Last Jedi

I’ve talked ad nauseam about this on other platforms, so I won’t belabor the point here: I love The Last Jedi. It’s thematically rich, it challenges its characters in unique ways, its narrative is surprising without any of its twists and turns feeling like a cheat, and it’s freaking gorgeous. I’ve even grown to enjoy (though not love) the casino stuff (it’s actually a pretty small chunk of the movie, all things considered). Rian Johnson made the best Star Wars movie in decades by questioning everything that came before. He made the world and the characters richer. He got Mark Hamill to deliver the best (live action) performance of his career. The entire last half of the movie is one outrageously successful climax on top of the other, from the bravura throne room fight to Luke’s immensely satisfying confrontation with the First Order and Kylo Ren. It does all this, and it has a heart too: Luke’s conversation with Yoda is the best single moment in the entire sequel trilogy (maybe even – hot take alert! – in the entire saga?). Basically, I love it.

02. Star Wars

The original. A perfect piece of genre filmmaking, it introduces a world that continues to entertain us to this day. There’s not much to say here other than it still feels grand and near-mythic. It’s great, classic cinema that’s also a little dopey and awkward. All that would be ironed out in the next one, but Star Wars sets a tone and aesthetic that would come to define nearly a half-century of storytelling. Say what you will about everything else, but there’s little else in blockbuster cinema to match Luke staring off into the binary sunset, as potent an image of longing and the call to adventure as you will ever see.

01. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

A New Hope is an operatic, earnest space adventure that distills the Hero’s Journey to its very essence. There’s a reason this whole Star Wars empire still reigns; if that first film hadn’t been as engrossing and as fun as it is, cinema itself would be very different today. And yet, the legacy of Star Wars must surely rest on the shoulders of The Empire Strikes Back, a mythopoeic masterpiece that outclasses its predecessor in almost every way. The characters (and their relationships) are richer, the story is more complex, and the stakes are higher.

Even the Force gets something of a makeover. Oh, true, the Force is very much present in the first film; Empire only builds, never contradicts. But mystical energy is omnipresent here, especially on Dagobah. The combination of Yoda’s mystical philosophy and the mist-shrouded swamp creates something almost primordial, as if we’ve stepped not just to the beginning of time but into another plane of existence, just past the edge of imagination.

It’s stunning stuff and it’s not even the best part of the movie. Luke’s confrontation with Vader is riveting. There are numerous iconic shots. And the big twist is famous for a reason. The way this ends – with a spark of hope amid the devastation – is exactly what Star Wars has always been about.

Star Wars would never (and will never) be this good again. It would come close a few times, but nothing will ever quite match Empire, which is a pure distillation of everything that this saga can be. A New Hope set the stage; Empire cemented a legacy.

So there you have it! My definitive ranking of the Star Wars movies. Here it is again, short form:

1. The Empire Strikes Back
2. Star Wars
3. The Last Jedi
4. Return of the Jedi
5. Revenge of the Sith
6. Rogue One
7. The Force Awakens
8. The Phantom Menace
9. Solo
10. The Rise of Skywalker
11. The Clone Wars
12. Attack of the Clones
13. The Holiday Special

In the end, I really love this franchise. I think that for the most part, it’s blockbuster filmmaking done right (people who compare the soulless Marvel machine to Star Wars haven’t got a clue). Even there are a handful of movies I can’t stand, this series will always hold a special place in my heart. May the fourth be with you!

(That would work better if I’d posted this on time.)

Top Twenty Episodes of Community: 5-1

5. Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television (Episode 6. 13)

Wikipedia Description: With six years at Greendale completed, the group imagines what a hypothetical season seven would be like while discussing the uncertainty of life

My Thoughts: It’s hard to do a good series finale, never mind a great one, but Community pulls it off well – a ton of pathos, great laughs, and, of course, more than a few meta winks at the audience. Most inspired is the decision to imagine what a “season seven” might look like – which, in showcasing a multitude of contrived ways to keep the cast together, manages to prove that maybe, just maybe, it’s alright for things to end here. Community lets us down easy.

TV defeats its own purpose when it’s pushing an agenda, or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It’s TV, it’s comfort. It’s a friend you’ve known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you and it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day or phone in a day. And it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with Levar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will.

Abed

4. Modern Warfare (Episode 1.23)

Wikipedia Description: After the Dean announces the prize for a friendly game of paintball, Greendale sinks into a state of all-out paintball war, with every student battling for supremacy. During the chaos, Jeff’s study group teams up in order to last longer in the game.

My Thoughts: Consider this representative of all the paintball episodes, but since I have to choose I choose the first one. Directed by Justin Lin, “Modern Warfare” is justifiably beloved, an economical 23 minutes of action-packed absurdity. Later paintball episodes would push things even further, but nothing can quite match sheer visceral thrill of realizing for the first time just how far they were willing to push this concept. Plus, you gotta love an episode that takes so many (justified) shots at Glee club.

Tell the drama club their tears will be real today.

Jeff

3. Remedial Chaos Theory (Episode 3.4)

Wikipedia Description: Troy and Abed’s housewarming party turns into a surreal, post-modern world with parallel realities; each reality showing the effect on the study group of one character’s absence from it.

My Thoughts: The central conceit of this famous, standout episode is fiendishly clever: by showing how the group reacts to the absence of each member, it says almost as much about the dynamics of the study group as a season of a regular show. Rewatching the episode, you start to notice how clever it is in other ways, too – this was the first time I registered that the only time Pierce doesn’t mention he had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom is when someone mentions sex in airplane bathrooms (it makes more sense if you watch the episode). And then there’s that standout sequence when Troy leaves and everything goes to hell, probably the funniest thirty seconds of the entire series. Yeah, this one earns its reputation.

Pizza pizza go in tummy, me so hungy me so hungy!

Britta

2. Cooperative Calligraphy (Episode 2.8)

Wikipedia Description: When Annie’s pen goes missing, she suspects a member of her own study group is the thief.

My Thoughts: There are few things I like better in Community than episodes where all the characters sit around and argue. In this “bottle episode,” everyone’s demons are laid bare and the study group fractures into infighting and suspicion faster than the gang of Antarctic scientists in The Thing. That this is also one of the funniest episodes of the entire series is just icing on the cake. Come for the laughs, stay for the emotional warfare. Classic Community.

Attention students, the puppy parade is starting on the quad. Better come quick, with each passing moment these puppies grow older and less deserving of my attention.

Dean Pelton

1. Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (Episode 2.14)

Wikipedia Description: Jeff invites “Fat Neil” (Charley Koontz) to play a game of Dungeons & Dragons with the rest of the study group, hoping to boost his confidence, after Jeff becomes concerned about his mental health. When Pierce finds out he was not invited, he joins anyway, disrupting their plans.

My Thoughts: Speaking of emotional warfare! I actually didn’t love this episode the first time I saw it – Pierce was almost too cruel. But in every subsequent viewing, I appreciate it more and more – how it builds a coherent, cohesive narrative with genuine emotional stakes; how its twists and turns are not only earned but always, always hit hard; how Pierce’s overwhelming evil brings the group together in a unique way. And not only all that, but it’s a stunningly well-produced episode, using sound effects and montage to involve you in the game all of the characters are playing. And – and! It’s hilarious! I will never not laugh at Annie describing what Hector the Well-Endowed does to that elf maiden. This episode has everything that made Community great, to me. It wraps up caustic wit, a beating heart, and a high concept to tremendous emotional impact. It’s the best episode of Community.

I can’t hear you over the sound of me rubbing his sword on my balls.

Pierce

And that’s it for Community! I really loved rewatching it the past few weeks – it really holds up, and even the worst episodes have flashes of brilliance. I’m sure I’ll rewatch it all again sooner rather than later, and in the meantime we can all keep hoping for that movie.

Top Twenty Episodes of Community: 10-6

Continuing with my list of top twenty Community episodes, here’s numbers 10-6, covering five episodes that I love quite dearly for different reasons.

10. Conspiracy Theory and Interior Design (Episode 2.9)

Wikipedia Description: When Dean Pelton begins checking class schedules, he discovers that Jeff has listed a class that doesn’t exist.

My Thoughts:  A gleefully twisty take on conspiracy thrillers with more revelations and backstabbing crammed into the last five minutes than most movies have in their entire runtimes. It’s not just the A-plot that works here: The B-plot, which features Troy and Abed building a blanket fort, is tremendous fun.

I’m not sure what lessons either of us managed to teach each other, but I’m proud of Annie. She took to deception like Abed took to Cougar Town.

Jeff

09. Cooperative Polygraphy (Episode 5.4)

Wikipedia Description: The study group undergo a polygraph test as part of the conditions of Pierce’s will, but it soon turns sour as the group’s secrets come to light.

My Thoughts: Much like “Cooperative Calligraphy” before it, “Cooperative Polygraphy” sits the group at the table and forces them to confront each other’s flaws and betrayals. This early fifth-season episode was the best evidence that Dan Harmon’s particular blend of caustic and tender was alive and well on Community.

I guess I knew Pierce was part of a weird futuristic cult, but I wasn’t prepared for a funeral with so much beeping.

Annie

08. Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality (Episode 5.7)

Wikipedia Description: Jeff helps Professor Duncan try to win over Britta’s affection. Abed and Hickey face off after Abed accidentally ruins some of Hickey’s drawings, and Chang finds himself in the middle of a ghostly mystery.

My Thoughts: The high placement of this episode might surprise some folks, but since Britta is perhaps my favorite character on the show, this tremendous exploration of her insecurities and vulnerabilities really hit home. I’d compare it, in some ways, to “Mixology Certification,” the next episode on this list – a relatively low-key and melancholy dip into broken dreams and defeated expectations. I love the way that Britta’s story intersects thematically with Abed’s, in which he discovers just how sad Buzz Hickey’s drawings of ducks really are. Even Chang gets an amusing subplot (he becomes half-convinced he’s a ghost). Just a great episode all around.

I’ve been defining myself with reactions to and from other people my whole life. Now I feel worthless, just because I’m worthless in relation to my friend, which means they’re not my friends.

Britta

07. Mixology Certification (Episode 2.10)

Wikipedia Description: When the study group convenes to celebrate Troy’s birthday, they realize he is actually turning 21 and decide to hit the bars.

My Thoughts: A wonderfully melancholy musing on what it means to grow up. Each individual story is amusing, but the finale – in which Troy shows what it really takes to be an adult – is one of the best moments in the history of the show.

I just spent the last two years thinking that you guys knew more than me about life, and I just found out you guys are just as dumb as me.

Troy

06. Paradigms of Human Memory (Episode 2.21)

Wikipedia Description: As the study group assemble their 20th and final diorama for their anthropology class, they reminisce about their favorite moments over the past year (all never-before-seen flashbacks). However, while reminiscing, a secret year-long affair between Jeff and Britta comes to light which threatens to tear apart the group

My Thoughts: Another great episode in the “study group disagreements devolve into all-out psychological warfare” series, “Paradigms of Human Memory” gets extra points for being fucking hilarious (the multiple flashbacks to events that we never saw are consistently amusing). More than that, though, in this key episode, Dan Harmon et al. leverage the necessarily formulaic structure of a sitcom to explore the toxic cycles that the members of the group are stuck in. I tend to think of it as a kind of rosetta stone for the series – it unlocks so much about what Harmon was trying to achieve with this story of a bunch of misfits caught in a series of codependent relationships at the one place in the world where they might, paradoxically, be able to grow.

Can we please stop fighting? We’re starting to hurt innocent perverts.

Shirley

Top Twenty Episodes of Community: 15-11

As stated in my original post, I’m taking these five at a time. Here’s the next group!

15.Geothermal Escapism (Episode 5.5)

Wikipedia Description: To honor Troy’s last day at Greendale, Abed organizes a campus-wide game of ‘The Floor is Lava.’

My Thoughts: Troy’s last episode is simultaneously a lot of fun and, of course, more than a little heartbreaking. Though Community would go on to have a small handful of high-concept episodes after this, none would have Troy’s childlike spark. The “floor is lava” thing is fun, but better is the ending, where Troy and Abed are forced to really reckon with what Troy’s absence will mean for them.

I didn’t know going away parties could be so much fun. I should leave all the time.

Troy

14. Debate 109 (Episode 1.09)

Wikipedia Description: The dean solicits Jeff to join Annie in a debate competition, where they will compete against star debater Jeremy Simmons to debate whether Man is intrinsically evil or good

My Thoughts: One of the earliest episodes to show what Community was really capable of when firing on all cylinders, “Debate 109” pairs up Annie and Jeff for some truly fun debate shenanigans. The B-plot, which suggests that Abed may have precognitive abilities, syncs up nicely with the A-plot by the end.

He was horny, so he dropped him. Man is evil!

Annie

13. Virtual Systems Analysis (Episode 3.16)

Wikipedia Description: When a final exam is postponed, Annie talks Abed into letting her spend some time in the dreamatorium, where an innocent simulation turns into an examination of the study group.

My Thoughts: This is a great episode focused on Abed’s perceptions of the study group, showing how he deeply he understands each member – far better than he understands himself. I love the exploration of the Annie and Abed relationship, which would bear fruits in seasons five and six, after Troy’s departure, and Annie’s compassion for her friend in the final sequence is really lovely. Also, this features one of my all-time favorite Dean Pelton moments: After he shows up to the study group wearing a half traditionally male clothing/half traditionally female clothing outfit (in order to deliver “good news and bad news”) he returns for his cane and says this (link takes you to a Youtube video, which is infinitely better than reading the speech)’:

I left my “puttin’ on the ritz’ cane in here earlier. I know it probably has another name, but I – can I be perfectly honest with you guys? I think I went too far with this one. I have to go to the bank today. What am I supposed to tell people in line, “I had good news and bad news”? Come on, Craig, get your life together.

Dean Pelton

12. Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking (2.16)

Wikipedia Description: Pierce pretends to be dying and gives the study group specific gifts that are actually meant to torment them.

My Thoughts: I’ve said before that I love the borderline sadistic energy that Pierce brings to the group, and there are few better examples of his specific gift for chaos than “Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking.” The great irony of Pierce’s already plenty ironic gifts is that they each show how much attention Pierce pays to the group – and they all reveal his own deep, deep insecurities and desire to belong. That he expresses these insecurities by lashing out makes him simultaneously tragic and pathetic, a combination that Community always does very well. Also, this episode is freaking hilarious (I will never not laugh at Troy’s reaction to LeVar Burton).

I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I’ll always hate him for that.

Pierce

11. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Episode 2.11)

Wikipedia Description: When Abed wakes up in stop-motion animation, he takes it as a sign that he and the group must re-discover the meaning of Christmas. Meanwhile, Jeff and Britta become growingly concerned about Abed’s mental health and enlist the help of Professor Duncan. The group undergoes hypnosis to explore Abed’s winter wonderland and soon unravel the truth behind Abed’s madness.

My Thoughts: The conceit of doing an entire episode in stop motion is the kind of thing that only Community can get away with, but the great thing about these conceptual episodes is that the form (almost) always matches the function – here, “discovering the meaning of Christmas” dovetails nicely with Abed’s love of stories. In attempting to fit his life into a specific, understandable narrative, he can escape the pain of the real world. Luckily, he has friends who care about him enough to journey into the winter wonderland with him and pull him back to reality. Everything about this works, but it’s also a great showcase for how effortless Dan Harmon makes all this feel – for comparison, look no further than the similar episode “Intro to Felt Surrogacy” from the gas leak year. That episode has all the quirks and charms you might expect of an episode starring puppet versions of our characters, but lacks the rigorous structure and heart that Harmon brought to the table.

Fair warning, guys. A journey through winter wonderland tends to test your commitment to Christmas. So when I say test, I mean Wonka-style. I’m talking dark. My advice: Stay honest, stay alert, and for the love of God, stay between the gumdrops.

Abed